This blog post is written to my family: Felicia, Megan, Kelsey, Daniel & Matt.........
As I sat in the worship service today, the music took my breath away as we sang frequently about the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for us. The message was awesome, as usual, speaking about the biblical principles of dating. It reminded me of the many conversation Felicia and I have had with our children on this subject (and still have!). Then, at the end of the service, we observed the Lord's Supper. I did what I always do just before that begins - I pray for God to search my heart and reveal sin in me, so that I can confess it to Him before taking the Lord's table. As I prayed, I believe God revealed something that I've needed to see for about 2 years.
I always felt blessed to be called to Christian ministry. The call started with bi-vocational church ministry, where I was able to serve in various roles in several awesome churches. It continued 9 years ago when I was blessed to become part of the faculty at NRCA. God has always provided and worked through these ministries in ways I could not imagine. Over and over again, He always did a great work in me, our family, and the ministry work. In addition, even when I was serving in both ministries at the same time, He made it work in our family, providing grace for all situations each day and giving us more grace even when we didn't deserve it. He protected us that way, and at the same time, covered up those times when my time was divided between the work of ministry and my family.
But a little over 2 years ago, the church ministry stopped, at least for now. I think our entire family breathed a little for the first time in many years, thinking we were gaining a time of rest and renewal from the grind of ministry life. We did get much of that and so much more from day one at The Summit Church. I will always be thankful to God for bringing us to Summit. There is not enough space here to list all the great things God has done for us and in us here. I am so thankful for being a part of this church.
When we left the last church ministry role, I was given a great opportunity to return to the primary ministry role He has called me to - my family. All of the time and energy I had poured into the church role could now be used to build up and minister to my family. Boy, we really needed it, too. While we enjoyed the ministry work and made many friends, it was very difficult at times. And it has left some scars on us that God is continuing to heal. Now was the time for me to be the pastor of my most important ministry - Felicia, Megan, Kelsey, Daniel, and Matt.
But what I believe God revealed to me this morning is this. I have done some of what God called me to do that day a little over 2 years ago, but I have not completely been obedient to what He desired for me to do. It's been too easy to channel that extra time and energy to other things, mostly school responsibilities and other personal things that I wanted to do. I've not been non-existent in family ministry, but I've not been all God has called me and made me to be.
I think that being the pastor of my home will always be the hardest ministry that God has given me. Maybe it's too easy to focus more at school or in other places and things. We are often drawn towards things that take us away from doing hard things. I know God has also called me to do other things that I have been negligent in - reading more, taking care of myself, looking for ways to serve others, etc. God reminded me today that He saved me so I can serve Him by serving others. And being faithful to what He has called me to do. I also realize this means I'll have to say "no" to a lot of good things and opportunities to ensure I can do the most important things.
So, Felicia, Megan, Kelsey, Daniel, and Matt - I'm sorry for not being all that God has called me to be over the last few years. I've been there and have been a part of some of His work in your lives, but He wanted me to do more. My renewed commitment is to continue to improve and make the role of being the pastor of my home the highest priority. Thank you for being patient with me, even in those times when I disappointed you.
Felicia, I want to continue to become the husband you need me to be. To love you as Christ loved the church, and to help you become the woman of faith He wants you to be. I love you.
Megan & Kelsey, I know you're not in our home any more, but I desire to still invest in what God is doing in your lives as well. I hope you will continue to pray for me and allow me to be a valuable part of your lives. I pray for you both every day. I love you both.
Daniel & Matt, I'm blessed that you are still at home. But the time is running short, and I desire to make the time the best it can be as God leads us. You are growing into men of faith, and I want to help you to grow into something great for the glory of God. I love you both.
Pray for me. I need God's strength to help me obey His call on me. I want Him to make me the best pastor of my home.
Pastor Randy
No comments:
Post a Comment